Haix...

Really don't know, I dont seems to know what I want to do anymore.. Well probably will be switching job if my current company have no news for my future position in anytime soon. Well, Going to where leh? Travel consultant? :P haha if my teacher application fail lah... cox till now no news yet... Travel consultant have high basic pay wor... still got commission... so i supposed will be quite good bahx? :)))

hmm.. Gong Gong just passed away on thursday night... Actually already predicted... But well... was still sad... had a 5 days funeral... gong gong chose to be sea buried.... Everyone of us, all his children and grandchildren gather together to show our filial to him and accompany him for the past 5 days.... Was very very sad when we brought him back to his own house, to cremation and etc... all the while due to his illness he was suffering... In fact all of us hope that he can die faster then. Not that we are unfilial.. but we saw how he was suffering... so we know how he was feeling, could'nt eat and wounds all over his body... actually i am not close to gong gong at all... very bad impression of him cox he wasnt really kind to me.. always beat me up or give me attitude when i was young... however, what pass has pass.... those years being together with him... was a memory that i will never forget... His smile and the way he laugh.... When I get annoyed of him keep callign my names asking for "balek luma" going back to the room, or having drinks.. but well.... I still miss him.... Afterall he is my grandpa.... my dad side, my grandpa passed away when I was/ before i was born..... So he is the only one giving me the feeling of what a grandpa is really like..... he is fierce but yet caring.... he is a sincere followist towards buddha and will pray everyday... He is great in cooking infact he is a chef............ All these memories will always be kept in my heart... Gong gong bai jin was distributed equally to all his children and grandchildren.. this was my second uncle decision.... Well I actually admire my 2nd uncle alot... All the while he is the one supporting my grandpa medical and daily expenses... as other relative are unable to do so... 6 years he have been paying more then 2k just for my grandpa.. and when my family in needs, our electric bill when it hits too high he will always help us to pay, grandma medical expenses, our school expenses, funeral expenses.... actually by right all the bai jin should give to him.....

However, he chose to share with everyone of us.... He is never selfish and actually has always been taking care of our family very well.... So I look up to him alot... actually not only me... my whole family.... including the relative they saw that he did alot.... maybe if not for him.... my family will be in more debts, my grandpa will go earlier due to no money for medication bah?

anyway uncle want me to go for slimmign cox he say i tooooo fat liao... must look good eventhough i have boyfriend.. cox boyfriend doesnt mean will last long... I know he dote on me and my sister alot... so well he say he will helped me pay.. but i must promise him will not grow fat again.. so yap.. maybe trying out maria france :))) dunno yet :)))

today is dardar daddy bday... oso "her" bday... well went to read up her blog............ and feel that probably all the while she has been lying............ dunno i am sooooooooooooo confuse.............. i dunnp why is it so difficult for me to let those unhappy memories go... i dunno..... i really dunno.......... i dun wan a bad relationship end up like anyone........... i want a good one...........
one that will last.................... I am scared and unsecure......... i know he have been trying his best to let me feel assure but i don't know............ i really don't know what can I do......... i scared history will repeat.............. i feel so cold towards relationship......... not heart dead........ but there is no longer trust bahx???????????? though i might have change to be better.............. but my own thinking and belief towards relationship will never change..........

I dont know what i should do.......... if i still cannot get over after sometimes he say he let me go for phsycology session to forget those unhappy memories......... but i guess i will forget him bahx?
He say nvm......... cox he will court me all over again........ but i told him.. maybe the second time i wont chose him anymore.......... i will chose other pple how? he say nvm, cox he will use same technique and attack my weakness again.. =.= LOL.... but well he said he will court me all over again and will never hurt me anymore.......... if he do.......... he will go die........... cox second time still hurt me.. den really should go die le............

haix...........
I dunno.....................
I am soooo confused and upset :((((((((((((((((((((((((

Finally Finally my exam studies and everything finish liao... but well not holidays for me.. neither am i resting... :((( keep working and working non-stop.. getting v.v.v.v little pay.... well or would i say part time pay..

someone ask me that day.. whats my highest education ? sec 4? I was like hell no.. I AM A DIP. GRAD OK =.= in BANKING AND FINANCIAL SERVICES SOMEMORE LEH=.= den he say.. work lanshop need qualification? i say well nope... this my temp job.. so why i am here? i believe that my boss say he will give me better prospect to manage and try out my capabilities.. now trying everything starting from scratch to know and to work....

so i think and i believe.. like what my boss promise... i will get what i should get in 1-2 months time.. or else.. as simple as always change another job and go be my teacher ^^

well.. now damm fucking tired... but at lanshop.. haix....... dunno wad to say no mood... i miss my bed.. well though i have a few days off due to fall sick.. but i still yet to rest... :((( keep doing work stuff.. haix........... can i lyk go for vacation? i hope so.. now i need $$$ and is alot of $$$ :(((((