Monday, October 27, 2008
a story of two.chilhood times? coinsidence? admire? Fate? Desitny?
Love need alot of care and understanding.
100% attention
24hours a day, 7days a week.
Sacrifice is needed.
Today I read a comic.<>
its about a girl who love a guy in the entertaintment circle.
well they dunno each other.
The girl get in the same school as the guy and went directly in front of him to confess.
At first the guys just think of toying her feelings and made her cry.
But in the end slowly he fall in love in her.
Well is actually a very nice story that show how love should be really like.
The girl give in everything she had to let the guy like her.
And she succeed because of her sincerity and her foolishness touches his heart.
When the guy recepocrate back. He did the same. He is willing to give up his fame because of her.
He touches my heart by saying one sentence. If i cant be together with you i rather be out of the entertainment circle. To someone who is the most famous person in the world. which is his ambitious to be a star. This is a very very big sacrifice....
How I wish one day my dear also like. Although he is lah.... but... haiz.. you know couple do quarrel ritxe? lyk tt loh... haix... ytd nitze after our movie... i told him.. if we were to break i won't go and find him anymore... cox i got others guyz friends who i can talk to.. Don't need to always put him to be everything then in the end i suffer.. But the guyz friends are friends lah.. not BOYFRIEND... those that can talk with me.. play with me and etc.. Den he cry loh... he say if i can find others guyz tt treat me and love me more than him he willing to let go.. den while saying his tears keep drooping.. half an hour while we are talking? hmm... i know he really love me.. but maybe sometimes in a wrong way.. sometimes he really dunno wad i wan... but well.. not everybody is perfect.... I know he dote on me alot... my hands he had always been finding way to cure it.... but... only is his temper... and seriously.. I DUN LYK HIM TO LIE..... this i cannot take it.. But all in all.. I LOVE HIM... ^^
hmmm send my proposal in to uncle on Sunday.. and he say he will look through it and let me know loh.. ^^ a good start? I guess... gambatte ne!!!
I miss your beautiful smile ... 11:54 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
you really dont' understand me dear.... you really don't know me... I say wait means wait!!! you are lucky that i keep control not to quarrel with you.. if not how? another meaningless fight?When will you learn??? I really really v.v.v tired you know? Stop forcing me can? Or should i say can i see your change? I really v.v.v. disappointed le... No improvement since then... I don't know how to tell you.. But please doing something can??? it takes 2 hands to clap not 1.... =.= i really hope to see your improvement...
I miss your beautiful smile ... 11:23 PM
hmm.. well things turn out better.. me and dear.. trying to reduce our quarrel.. well it works.. ^^ provided that i don't flare up^^ .. and he have been finding excuses this few days to book out... So ya.. was quite nice.... ^^ Seeing him.. hugging him.. feel his presence...... maybe we use to stick together too much in the past... So he inside the army was really a very very hard thing for me loh!!!!! and a veryveryvery bad news for me loh.. if he was going to posted to sungei gedong after his course... he is going overseas nor!!!!!!!! I DUN WAN DUN WAN DUN WAN NOR!!!! india for 3 weeks.. and austrialia for 8weeks.......
die oso cannot i don't care.. i want go overseas for studies... he dun let... he go overseas.. i also DON'T LET!!!... very long leh... will die nor.. cannot lah.. say what also cannot.. die die also cannot... so best he go ayer rajah camp... heex...
well just finish my project.. the report... now only left.... powerpoint.. heex... report deardear help me to edit our english.. he say i improve alot loh^^.. its a good thing.. but this also shows that my chinese is going down.... :'( but never.. chinese as long as i am free... read up can liao....
well tahts bout it bahx...... lala................ ^^
I miss your beautiful smile ... 11:23 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
seriously... i feel.. if can i rather forget him than be with him.. i am damm fucking tired.... of everything......... a leopard never change its spots.. this is what i feel...
I miss your beautiful smile ... 7:37 PM
Saturday, October 18, 2008
my illness gotten worse.. today bleeding non stop i really dunno what to do... i try call him but his hp off... i call his mum... but his mum dun even want to reply me at all...i really damm sick and giddy.... i need him now... really... can if he appear today i will use anything to change.... i miss him.. love him.. need him... :'(
I miss your beautiful smile ... 5:55 AM
Friday, October 17, 2008
I don't know.. I drank a 8% voka... and was kinda drunk.. maybe i am too tired bahx.... but i insist to blog....... i am hurt........ really hurt... even if he appear infront of me now........ i also wun forgive him anymore...... i am so tired....... tomorrow i will do the same........i.. really give up......... he change his password and etc........... let him be bahx..... take care........
I miss your beautiful smile ... 6:39 AM
you lie to me again......... again and again................................
you think I don't know? WHY? I am just shit....... you make me delete everything again......
Am i really just a joke to you?
you like to lie so much then let you be.......................
my messages? Mean? But you still chose money over me...
yesterday go wake..today go wake again?
HAHAHAHAHAH....
you like to go wake so much right???
One day you will attend mine... ^^ soon man~~~^^
i now dun even feel like replying you...i am hurt so much.......
today i am going out for a drink ^^........
1st time.......... i hate u!!!! u dunno and dun care right? i hate u... now i tell u... I won't become the girl that you know anymore.... really won't... you always took me forgranted.. stop saying you are wrong.............
you are not.. i am wrong.. i shouldn't have fall in love in..u.... shouldnt at all.....
dun say u wan to protect me when all you do is just hurt me............
you really dun understand me.........
you know i love you so much that i give up my overseas studies trip TWICE!!!! but you never know and never appreciate that....
I go drink humph!!! i go drink!!! yi zhui jie qian chou!!!!
I miss your beautiful smile ... 12:38 AM
why? why? everyone can don't understand me.. he can't... why cant he just understand? I DON'T WANT HIS MONEY !!! REALLY DON'T WANT!!! I DON'T WANT AND DON'T NEED HIM TO GO HOME STAY FOR MONEY!!! THIS INSULT ME... AND OUR RELATIONSHIP!!!!
HE PROMISE WON'T GO BACK DE.......
all is just crap... lying to me... just coaxing me.... everything is nothing...
All are lies and hua yan qiao yu~~~~~~~
I hate him.. really.. want $$ i can take from my uncle... he always take $$ from his parents just for us.. once in a while I take also ok what!!!!!!! Why can't he just understand?
ALREADY NO TIME TOGETHER LIAO!!! HE GO HOME STAY.. GO OUT WITH HIS MUM.. AND ETC.. ANOTHER 1 DAY GONE.... FUCK HIM LA!!!! He dun understand me...... AS MY BOYFRIEND HE DON'T UNDERSTAND ME...... i really don't want his money....... I DONT WANT.....
he always act in his way.. never go and think what i want.... fuck off... really......... i hate u... you don't understand what is love.... love don't need money... don't need money at all........................... really don't need.........................
PS: ni yi ci you yi ci de shang hai wo.... i leave......... i walk out of the toots world please.. stop all these..... I DON'T WANT... you love me? no you don't at all
I miss your beautiful smile ... 12:38 AM
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
why always u only come to be awaken after i decided to leave you or to ignore?dear....
So what if you have decided to change? So what you say you wun hurt me again?
you just keep doing it.... lots of chances had been given to you.. you never learn to cherish it....
I told you before.. lots of time... dun regret when you actually come to realise it..
Cox what done had been done and can't be undone... the hurt you gave had already become scar..
you cant blame others but your own...
I still love you....
Just that you cant ask me to be the same anymore... Not I don't want.. Just that I can't...
You never know how i actually felt... How much hurt you had actually done to me...
Don't can? Don't always came to realise so late and keep want me to change when you realise that... You know you are just pressurize me... and hurting me.. Don't can? Let natural take it cause.. I know I am hurting you now... But.. sorry... Not I want...
I miss your beautiful smile ... 9:57 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008
today is the 2nd day.. i nv really slp... take a nap for round 3hours jiu wke up le... that pig.. confirm still sleeping as usual.. dun need say....... maybe better off for him... nobody will wake him up..... ytd he msg me.... say that he love me..... he say that everything all along he had lied to me... you know what? he dunnid to stay in at all but he volunteer.....He wanted to go out with his friends all along.. just waiting for time... all these while he is just planning me to let him go yet at the same time he cheated my feelings... he took me forgranted HAHAHAHA.. what a joke! TO ME... i had been so foolish doing all sought of stupid things for him....... he just dunno how much he hurt me..... he just dunno how I feel... i dunnid his care.... really i die also dun wan him to know.... really....hahaha..... I think mostly i will live only for a week? maybe bahx.. my hands are dam pain... dunno wad happen inside also... but v.v.v pain... ytd i saw his msg.. i cry.. my whole fain keep trembling.. my eyeys damm pain.. nearly go blind... i use my hands to force it to stop.... my chest... the nerve pull again oso...... but all these pain... to me no feeling..... really no... its nothing as compare to the hurt he give me.........
i told him... i won't commit suicide..... i will just dun eat.. but i didnt told him....... not i dun wan to eat.. just no appetite..... I dun wan to open my mouth and talk also........ v.v.v.tired...........
i just wanna leave quietly..... but i dun wan him to care..... wad the point of caring about whether i will die or not..... wads the point to care whether i live normally not.... cause i wun...... i am no lnger the winnie le...... i won't turn back..... you care for me not.. i dun care and dunnid and i didnt ask from you also.... i really let you go........ cause i dun wan you.. no energy to keep you also..
ytd.... while packing his back.... glasses chips came out due to last time the bottle i gave him.. i guess that day i never clear properly..... i got 2 thinking... should i cut myself? i didnt.... not becox of him..... but becox of sis.... i promised her.... but while i am clearing it.. it accidently cut me... my 2 hands bleed but i dun wan to use plasters.. cox he always wan me to use plaster.. i dun wan....
he wan me to eat.. i dun wan... he wan me to take care of myself ... i dun wan......
YOU KNOW WHAT? AHAHAHAHAHAH... he went to find girls........ ask him go ahead please... fuck off lah......... ahahaha... what am i? SHIT... hahaha... TOY!!!!
I promise not to.. but i cant myself... ahahaha....... please help me to ask him fuck off... thanks...
I miss your beautiful smile ... 6:26 PM
we.. break off le.......
i love him......
really love him.....
but he lied to me all along.......
i cannot take it........
he all along wanted to go out with his friends........
i cannot take it...... not because i selfish becox he lied.....
he find me annoying when he ask me to msg him.......
i cannot take it........
he have no freedom with me.....
i cannot take it.........
you know wad? he say he become shit becos of me?
i cannot take it......
so to him...... all is my fault ...........
but.... its doesnt matter anymore.... no longer.......
don is don......
winnie is winnie........
i devoted into this rs... without any held back..... for 1yr plus......
i didnt regret.......
but when at the break time.. u say all along i was talking to guyz? all along i wanted to be with others guyz? i won't call u dear anymore because i will call the others????
you want go every single contact of my msn?? go ask them............... after i stead with u... do i contact them???? how much do i talk to them?????????? they click on me de or wad..?? do i reply more then 20 sentences? usually less than 5!
but it doesnt matter anymore....
you know me well enuff.... am i that kind of person? you know it..... so what you wan to say.. doesnt matter anymore....
i shouted... for the last time... deardear wo ai ni...... and i threw away 070707...... this was the start of our rs.. although u lost it... but to me... it doesnt... its like even 1 left.. we are still together.....
but i threw it away.... i couldn't cry all along.. but the moment it was off my hands..... my tears just roll down......... i wanna cry out loud...... but i cant........
i only throw tt away...... the others i wont throw...... cox its all his xin yi...... although..... i am not his or should i say he is not mine anymore.... but is ok.........
i don't wish for more..... i only want...... him to be happy...... find a girl that can take care of him..... must love him more than i do....... find the girl that is suitable for him.... dun neglect his future.....
all his life is blessed with happiness and joy...... tt all i hope for..... i can use anything to exchanged for it....
i won't turn back...... cox the scare is too deep...... my heart is once again dead.....
Ps: i hope... accident hapen on me..... make me forget him...... please god..... i beg u.....
dear... how much i love you....... you didnt know...... u didnt treasure it........
I miss your beautiful smile ... 10:32 AM
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
I quote from friendster...20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
My boy? Ya he do.. during his BMT times he miss me like dunno what.. everyday a phone call is a must.. no matter how late it is.... but after that?? haha no... maybe he had gotten use to it.... He is now stay in... a phone call to him.. is an extra ordinary tired job for him... I understand that NS is a very tiring job for him... I can see his tiredness... but have he ever thought of me missing him? wanted to be with him 24/7??? Did he know how I feel when he refuse or cannot call me??
I watch a show.. they say when a guy goes into a relationship... he will become more clever... whereas a girl will become more stupid....
I think this saying is true...
I love you... But how much do you know?
You said so but do you actually mean it??
Never ever once you are with me.. when i needed you most.. you know?
I miss your beautiful smile ... 7:33 PM
Now then i found out that.. ytd i post.... but i did not say that it is our anniversary...
1year 3 months.... ^^
But sad to say there is nothing to say about it....
no celebration not even the feeling of love is there.....
is it NS fault? Me or him?
quarreling the whole day....
See and feel the messages that do not mean anything.....
So what is love about????
I keep trying but no outcome....
I keep unbear to let go but what I get is hurting me more and more....
What is the definition of love? Till now I still dunno...
I watched panted skin.....
I saw vicky love for his husband...
That is really call love..
No possesion...
No asking for return..
And just giving to hope that he will be happy....
I also want to do that.....
My love for him is like that....
I do everything hope that he is happy....
But after that I changed...
Become unreasonable and demanding?
Is it my fault? I would only say I am too tired that why?
I still do everything for the sake of him...
But he didn't...
He give in..
But never care for me...
My feelings...
Maybe my dear... I neglected yours...
But now is too late to say who right who wrong......
I only wish to give him the best now.....
Once I feel that he is able to live on his own...
I will leave quietly...
Maybe to fulfil my young wish?
Go overseas to study or work......
I want to leave him.. quietly and to a place I cant go and find him neither can he........
Maybe this is the best for us.......
A call for me become something I have to demand for....
During call time...
I love you and all the others nice words...
Become what I need to wish for...
Is love suppose to be like this?
I dunno........
I feel so empty...
I am picturing now... He kneel down infront of me know without me saying.. And tell me that all along he was wrong... But you know what my feeling? So what in the end he knew and tell me that he is going to change? Its too little too late..... By giving just another chance is just repeating the history again and again.......
I don't want my whole life living in this situation...
Though I seriously love... More than anything.. Include my life....
But i guess.. like all my previous post... We are not mend to be...
You know during 6th of october...
1 day before anniversary...
the 1 gift i gave to him...
the bottle broke..
The words i record in the toy for him went missing...
All these happen infront of me...
As all the things are with me...
Maybe it the destiny telling me...
You should end winnie....
tears flows down my cheeks... the feeling inside my heart at this very moment do you know any of them??
I miss your beautiful smile ... 1:19 AM
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
hmm.. was posted to financial resource centre.. afternn shift... =.= dotz... cannot play .. morning end at 1.. can play and work loh.. but nvm.. can slp late.. oso not bad bahx???15-28dec holiday.. so most likely will go overseas to get stock and start my little business.. :)
heex....
deardear.. nowadays army v.v.busy... loaded with too much work.. always tired cannot call me... make me abit pissed off... so same still say break and we quarrel everday.........
I miss your beautiful smile ... 9:44 AM
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Miserable ♥
I am a simple minded gal yet stubborn at times. faithful towards love and aiming for perfection.<3
Fierce at sometimes & blur at all times <3
Kiddy and cute is my symbol<3
fat & chubby is what I am <3
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Why did you leave me ?
I keep asking myself why .
But i just can't seems to get an answer . Different answers keep floating across my mind.
It's making me very sick.
I really miss you ...
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