fear and insecure keep surface my mind...
I don't know...
But...
I hate this...
I hate to fear and hate to feel insecure...
Like what dear say because of my insecure leads to many quarrels that could have be avoided...
But is like what he says also...
"Once bitten twice shy"
I am scare...
Not that I think history will repeat this very moment...
Is just that I am wondering...
In the near future...
When we have both grown up...
Would he? In any chance do what he do in the past?
No matter under what circumstances would he ever do it again?
Yes, no doubt I had ask this many times...
But it is also because I get different answer always...
Sometimes he will say of course no!
Sometimes he will say I don't know this type of thing hard to say because it happen before...
Actually there isn't I won't...
There is only I don't want...
E.g. I won't love anyone other than you...
Well the fact is that you will and you can...
Is just that you don't want...
That day he told me...
If I were him I might have done the same thing...
To be honest...
No...
I won't...
I may say it because I am angry or disappointed...
But I will never do it...
I know...
We will married...
I know...
We will be together till eternity...
To be honest...
Same as him...
I know regardless of what...
He still love me deeply...
I know his heart won't change...
Because these 2years, the days that we had been together...
Is never a joking thing...
We been through alot...
Its nothing different from husband and wife...
Except that...
We don't have our own house...
We don't have a certificate of marriage...
Looking back...
If back then I had never chose him...
How will my life from 07-09 be like?
Well probably I would have change a few bf...
Looking and searching for my true love...
Still the happy little naive girl...
I am confident enough to say...
If I never chose him but others...
I would not fall that deeply...
And would have what you guys call as puppy love...
But him...
Don't know why...
A guy who is totally not my type...
A guy who have everything I don't like...
I don't like guys who play game everyday...
I don't like guys who lied..
I don't like guys who always sleep...
I don't like guys who are always late...
I don't like guys who are unhygenic...
I don't like guys who brag...
I don't like guys who play around...
I don't like guys who don't care about their family...
I don't like guys who are lazy...
I don't like guys who don't study or work...
AMAZINGLY...
This boy that I am having right now...
That I own from 07/07/07 till now...
SCORE 100% FULL MARK for what I don't like...
Zzzz
But him...
Make me slowly fall in love with him...
Deeply...
Till the extent I can't climb up...
Do foolish things to find him...
Forgive everything that he had done...
Meeting him...
Change my life...
I seems not to be myself...
Not the one that everyone known...
My bestie said so...
My family said so...
And him?
If we have not met...
Well he would have been gaming all day long...
Leading the life aimlessly...
Working once awhile to survive...
Is fate...
Or should I say...
Is destiny to say when, who and where you will meet and know someone...
The thing is that what happen two months ago change our life...
Is very difficult to forgive and forget...
Even if I want to...
Is really that difficult...
But well...
He have to compromise me with regard to this...
Is not I want...
And if it doesn't happen...
I won't be like this and never will...
Well...
I just hate what I am now...
Easy nervous...
Insecure...
Fear...

Going bangkok...
Again and soon...
But well...
Kinda cock up...
Jiejie there delay...
Deardear there rush...
Haix...

conincidence? or fate?
today deardear...
dunno why suddenly..
just out of a sudden...
kena pissed by things happening...
den dun want meet...
and we couldn't contact because his HP no batt...
I was wondering... where do i go?
His house to wait for him?
Cck to try my luck?
Or just go home?
my train was moving and it reaches jurong east...
i was wondering will i be able to see him?
the chance was so glimpse..
i thought to myself...
there are so many gate... and how can he be at my gate?
there are so many train..
probably he had took the other one and had not reach yet..
but well...
I SAW HIM...
I AM DAMM FUCKING SHOCK!!!
i am very very very happy lo...
no words can describe my happiness and shock..
at first I thought it was my imagination...
how can it be?
I must have think too much...
but i look again...
IS HIM REALLY HIM LO!!!
I DUNNO HOW TO SAY!!!
BUT DAMMM HAPPY NOR...
though he give me that stupid face....
that idiot attitude...
but still very happy...
both of us are too close...
both of us are from different world...
so there is like.... 0.0001% of chance that we can meet.. coincidentally...
and we met...
I was like?
is it true?
i dunno...
but well..
together so long...
really so long...
it was really the first time...
we met..
unknowingly....

the 3rd thing...
I think we were really fated...
destinied to be....

Dunno why...
i felt harder and harder...
very difficult...
feeling seems to have fade...
however it doesn't seems so because whenwe are together I can feel how strong it is...
or should i rather say...
our changes isn't suitable..
i know is just for a short period...
i know i have to compromise and endure...
however.......
i can't......
i mean... it begain more and more difficult...
I love him...
more than i thought i am...
there are things that i do not wish to give in at all...
i dislike or rather i hate it to core...
but i have no choice but to give in...
to prevent quarreling....
But that is not me...
i mean......
i can.....
let u face computer.....
but u ask me let u face people...
females + males....
i can't...
i mean ya...
not as if you go a outing you will like someone or what...
but the problem is...
I mean i love u...
and thats the problem.....
i dont want seriously and very dont want...
u to go...
moreover alone.....
is so weird..
i hate changes...
is like.......
i dont know...
i am suffering...
so do u.....
but my suffering is cause by u...
ur suffering is u create it for urself......
i dont know...
i just want u 24/7...
thats all...
i know u will say...
cannot...
but i dont care...
this is what i want....
u say selfish or what by all means......

because i just dun wanna to let go not even for a single second...
exam coming just on tues... if u really go out... i think i have no mood to study at all....

I dont want to quarrel...
but...
i dunno how to dont quarrel....
i seriously hope... u can give in...
i dont know...
i am ur gf...
ur wtb...
i dunno...
i want whole world to know that...
i nid ur presence........

is it that difficult?

ai ni zai xin kou nan kai.........

god... i dun understand why u let us meet....
are we fated to be?
i dunno why is there a need to meet and fall for each other....
i dun like the way it is now....
i wanna end all these crap.......
i just wanna be tgt 24/7...
live in africa i oso happy... :(

si lim ma don chou lim ma don...
i dun lyk changes la....
ur courting promise got 1 say wun change HOR!!!
NWC change i tell u i hate it and dun lyk...
i am someone live in the past...
not present...
i dun lyk changes...
i am stubborn......
i am contented...
cox changes doesnt make things better but worst....

can't u feel?
when we are together...
we both know..
we love each other deeply...
but... whenever we talk about changes...
both of us know that...
thigns will somehow end one day....

things get better...
we manage to talk and compromise... :)

however now...
this very moment...
I am not feeling very good...
Somehow or rather I thought of the past...
I hate it...
really do..
i could'nt let go.....
i want to forget that single incident.......
i mean why should this happen...?
I hate her...
now..
seriously....
don't know why but i hate her...
for being such a bitch..
for don't know what is zi ai.........
i hate him..
seriously...
for don't know what to push away...........
FOR DON'T KNOW WHAT IS FUCKING HURT AND FUCKING BETRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE BOTH OF YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!
YOU TWO HURT ME...
I DON'T CARE WHY, WHO HOW AND ETC!!!!
THE FACT IS THAT IT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND CAN NEVER BE THE SAME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN / DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND MY FEELING?
WHY MUST ALL THESE SHIT OR CRAP HAPPEN TO ME?

fate destiny?
ma long? (i horse he dragon)

few days ago then I found out both of us actually born on the same day...
23/01/1990 was a tuesday...
08/03/1988 was a tuesday...

i mean abit too conincidence le...........

fated before we are born.....

70% I believe that we are desitinied to be together....
another 30% is up till i found another thing we are fated or it is up to us to create.........

later meeting him...
heart thumping damm fast...
hope everything turn out well... :)
I have to learn to be more comprimising :)

Watching drama...
only make me think of him...
i miss him..
god...
why you are so cruel...
you make me love him...
you make me miss him...
you make me fall for him...
Then you wanna take him away from me.......
he wanna leave me.....
god i beg for your mercy....
if after this weekend he were to leave me...
please let me forget him..
erase all my memories with him...
yes indeed they are the most beautiful memories in my life...
but because of the beautiful memories...
i kill me when i am only left with memories..
if.....
my lmd......
the one and only is to leave my world....
then please......
let me forget him.....
forever and ever..........
i really love him.....

yes...
there is something that he have been hiding all along....
he just don't want to let me know.....

Well....
YTD watch ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni....
I have think and review my own relationship...
I feel like unless is true love...
last till eternity....
if not so what if we are together?
Just wasting each other time...
if now what he / we want is not a long lasting RS...
this friday have to take about with him...

Ytd he say...
We do not have to break...
is just that my own selfishness does not allow his way...
But once again..
I am thinking...
I am the selfish one? Or him?
Well I don't know but somehow or rather I feel that he need some space for himself...
some personal space...
I guess me too...
But well there is a limit to that...
We still have to be like normal couple...
But maybe not that sticky.
So one week...
1day is mine...
the other is his...
once / twice in a month then I have the wholeweekend...
It would be best...
He can come my house and go his house stay at the same time...
We are together yet he have a day full to play his own game...
And I can have it to go out with my girlfriend and stuff...
It will never be good if meet on alternative week or so...
Because I suppose I will go and bother him and stuff...
Or miss him too much keep ask him to meet...
this will not just irritate him...
But me too...
So a relationship...
need comprimise...
I am willing to give in...
Now it lies on you baby...

Well today in the morning I found out that I LOST ANOTHER 2 KG!!!!!
So now I am 59kg!!!! all in all i DROP 7KG!!!
hahahah...
so happy...
lolx..
ok I know still fat...
but at least is 50+ loh!!! :)
by end of oct...
I think I will be 50kg le...^^ back to my figure last time...
heex...

Necklace...
lost le....
deardear throw away his necklace le.......
heartbroken....
is his bday present loh...
I buy for him de...
but he throw away le........

haix...
is either we buy the ring?
or no le.......

I have relax.
Cool down and thought over.

These weekend what am i going to do?

priority is of course to win him back. :)
start afresh and both try to comprimise. :)
this would be the best :)

another thing is hypnosis.
This have been in my mine for very very long.
Just done a few research and what i was thinking all along was right.
Some memories can be hidden or erase.
I can use this to forget him and let him go.
So at least the one I love most can be happy. :)
But well I need him to be by my side for now.
At least awhile before I had the money and go for the treatment :)
After that I want to sign treaty with him.

I remember don't like to have god brother or sister.
But that time he was courting me.
I proposed this idea.
But he rejected because he want to be only couple.
So now.
Since there is no turn back.
Ok fine. :)
He will be my God Brother.
Take care of me like what he promise but not as my lover.
Because I treasure this relationship alot.
I hope in end we still can keep in touch in some special status.
I don't want to be friends because I know i might have false hope if eventually I remember everything after I hypnotise.
And this brother-sister relationship will let us know that forever.
There is no turn back.
Being stranger I know one day if I were to miss him or remember him all those stupid things wil come out again.
So for the sake of me and him.
Or should I say him to be happy forever and ever.
I had decided.
I will take him to be my brother if we break up :)

Yes, no doubt I love him.
No doubt I don't want to let go.
No doubt I will agree to anything to save this relationship.
But if in the end he really don't want to continue this relationship.
He don't want to continue to love me.
I have to let him go.
He have to be happy.
I can be sad.
I can be miserable.
I can go die or whatever.
But the one I love most which is him.
Lim ma don.
He have to live happily ever after :)

if 070707 have to be a memory.
I hope it will be a good memory in his mind.
Whereas yes it is the best memories in my life.
But well.
I have to forget in order to let go.
I hope the 2years can also be the most wonderful days and meaningiest days in his life.

For that we will be friends till eternity if in the end we can't be husband and wife till eternity.


Because I had always long to have a older brother to protect me and love me as a sister.

Hope we can be together my deardear.
But if we can't like I promise I will let you go :) But I need some time and I am sorry to say you have to standby me for awhile before you are freed.

he told me everything...
suddenly i find that i am so cheap...
and things i do...
he dont appreciate...

i am soo tired...
everyone ask me to let go...
beg me to let go...
sorry for those i have hurt...
sorry for my stubborness but...
all in all is just because i love him too much...
but this coming weekend is my last chance...
if reall can't then i will forget... :)
because i can't let go...
i can only force myself to forget him totally..

i was once....
priceless in his heart....
but now...
i had become worthless.......

no one will understand how much it hurts....
no one ever will........

for this relationship...
for him...
i put in my heart and soul....
but in end...
this is what i get.......

......................
.............
............
am i really nothing?

what a laughing stock...
you foolish stupid girl.....
your stupidity....
no one can compare or out win you.................

787 days..
since 070707
together v.v.v.v.long le.......
lolx.....
rem last time...
deardear count in minutes too.. ^^

well...
i know he care...
but he is way too stubborn le... no choice...
i love him...

hmm... let me think of what to type...

i saw nowell fortune cookie says..
to love is to fogive...
yup....
i always can't think of why and how people forgive those that betray them, their trust and love...
but now i been through i understand...
when you love someone deep enough...
no matter what he or she does...
you will forgive...
because that is called love....

love bear no grudges...

i said in my facebook...

Even he told me he has 1000girls or he love 1000girls...
i know in his heart...
there is only me...
:)
words can lie but feeling can't....
i see and feel it with my heart......

When I face a stubborn guy....
I have to have strong confidence of myself...
especially i pick a guy...
that is stubborn, hot temper, like to lie and tease me...

what i like about this guy?
I dislike everything about him...
yet at the sametime i love everything about him.... :)

trust is the word that a relationship needs other than love...

after reflecting on myself...
i learn what is trust...
if my little naughty boy were to really get a girl or flirt...
he wouldnt even bother me...
because i am no one to him....
but him bother to wake up in the midnight to text me...
to kiss me...
means that i am important...
very....
he is easily irritated...
but well no... he didnt :)
he text me and tell me he wasnt scolding me....

how sweet could that be...
i mean yes...
i can never deny that i am super duper sensitive over him...
no choice mah...
my boy leh...
now rs so rocky...
later pple snatch how?
he is mine leh....

lim ma don only belong to winnie tan hwee khim loh...
no one else...
selfish?
yes.. dont care...
unreasonable?
yes... dont care....

who ask him is my bf....
u all wan u all take other guy...
he is mine...
taken liao...
unavailable liao...
dun care...
die oso dun care..
humph

deardear say he got girl...
he say he got girl...
how?
haix...
cox i saw his fb...
den ask him he got girl issit?
he replied...
yaya got jiu got...
den i ask again he say got..
i say really?
he say yes i have. happy?

is lyk my whole heart sank....
i know he dont have...
i know he love me...
but him replying tell me got...
i everything lost le...
what should i do...
i am so scared...

what if really he have?
lunch now...
but not going eat...
no appetite at all....

Hiaz...
i dunno...
i really dunno...
heart dead and love...
which 1 to chose...
I love him...
yet things that he had done had hurt me too deep...
however,
i chose to forgive...
thats the only i could do..
things slightly getting better bah?
ytd midnight...
i text dear...
actually just normal texting him...
not thinking that he will reply...
cox he must be sleeping at that time...
1 plus 2 am...
but you know what?
deardear reply me worx...!!!!
never scold me nor nothing...
he reply muacks :-*
and ask if this would make me sleep better :)
heex....
dam happy...
den he say dont wake him up again...
he very tired...
but hor...
he added...
not scolding me ^^
heex...........
my deardear lo...
that is my deardear...
i damm happy nor...
although in the end i didnt get to sleep because of dumb and bu shu fu...
but well.... for that msg...
it is worth while lo........
today text deardear....
just lyk erm.... half an hour ago? but he never reply... :(
maybe he is having HLS now bahx?
heex...
for ytd nite that he will reply me...
i believe he will continue to do so de...
because he is my dear...
the one i love most...
wholeheartedly... ^^

i love you, my htb....
i really do...

ehtono!!! deardear reply le!!!!! ^^ heex

hmm...
i duno...
what is the meaning of love?
they say if i find dear first...
forever i will be under his control...
and will be taken forgranted...
but thats not love isnt it?

I mean ....
love doesnt matter who is under who...
or should i say both is equally important...
we have our own strength and weakness..
isnt it?

Why do we have to count and stuff?
I dunno...
I felt lost...
confused...
scare...

together 2years 2months...
I would say ....
married for 2years 2 months will be more appropriate...
because we have been staying together...

telling me to let go this r/s....
is totally impossible...
i wonder...
how he could?
or I guess he never too..
just stress...

we manage to sms...
as i send wrong msg to him...
and hell...
he know everything that I am thinking...

after that i ask him out to meet and etc..
though he reply is extremely attitude i would say...
but he is just vending his anger...
so i am ok...

at least he replied me... :)
he is not that heartles afterall...
i am sure...
i am still something inside his heart...

Many say i am being stupid...
Many say he is a jerk and etc...
ya maybe?
i agree too...

but nevertheless...
he is the one i chose to go down my life with...
blinded by love?
yes maybe?
because to me..
yes he is not worth it...
but my heart say he worth...
than anything else...
i can even use my life to exchange it with...

I feel fortunate...
or at least...
to myself...
at least in my heart I trust...
if not....
this r/s story might really end..
despite whatever he had done...
despite those hurtful words he had said...
i am hurt definitely...
heart shattered...
but well...
i believe that is not him...
not the one i known for years...
not the one i love....

he is just hiding...
making himself stronger...
pushing everyone away...
just like last time...

yes...
you guyz might think I am naive...
to believe what i am thinking...

but well...
that is what I call love...
I love him...
that why i sacrifice...
i love him...
that why i stay even when i am hurt...
i love him...
that why i never agree to others...
i love him...
that why i am holding on tight despite him asking me to let go...

my piggy jiejie....
do you know...
how much i actually love you?
do you know?
do you know the girl you had love for the past 2years is feeling miserable now...
because you are keep pushing her away...
your promise to change might have gone...
your feeling might have gone...
but she is still there...

is actually very simple to make her go away...
just kill her with a knife..
she will graduallly appreciate that...
to be honest....
i seriously rather you kill me or i die than going through what i am going through now....

for love i trust..
for love i forgive..
for love i stay...
for love i am holding on..

boy you know? how much i miss you now? how much i long to kiss and hug you?
i am not obessed about you or went crazy about you...
is just that i love you...
way too much...
till the extent...
i love you more than myself...............

damm sick... feel like vomit... haix....

Haiz....
getting worse....
today never really sleep... go toilet and etc...
my face turn green lo...
bt lucky no one see...
cox early in the morning...
except yami...


then come the xxx msg me.... (cannot reveal his name... incase deardear is reading)
in my blog i call u deardear....
deardear
deardear
you cannot do anything also ...
humph..
ok that not the important point...

the important point is....
half way msg with xxx....
when i reply...
i too use to text deardear le ma...
den press too fast...
msg till his there leh!!!!!
PRESS CANCEL ALSO TOO LATE LIAO...
can you imagine?
I dammmm fucking angry lo...
the msg is not a normal chatting msg leh...
everything I dont want that idiot to know de....
after reading the msg...
he everything will know le lo...
can you imagine?

ai ya....
i dont know la...
is like dont know he got read or not? pray hard he never la hor...
see my name jiu delete away le...
but if he read how?

what should i do?

I really dont know sia.... i mean what should i do?

he know that........

i still care and love him....
i really dont know...
i am so lost..
i thought i can still hide...

you idiot la!!!!
2years nothing we msg so much for what?
Make me use to it....
I already v. becareful these few days sms people never send till your there liao...
but now leh?
you de yi le la!!!! happy le la.... zzz

NAUGHTY BOY LA....
i dont know my past life owe you what sia.... got secret also cannot hide from you.... Zzzzzzz

haiz.....
my life?

Labels: ...

I know is stupid...
everyone is saying so..
but can someone tell him...
boy i am waiting for you...
yes i know is stupid...
i know is silly after what ever happen...
everyone say that he is not worth it....

but deardear....

I love you! I really do.....

i am still waiting for your return............

still waiting........

I thought....
i once thought..
we are fated and destiny to be together........
because... we gone through so many things...
we are like husband and wife more than just a normal couple....

and before i was born...
"yue lao" already tied us together....
because his name is "ma long"

so coincidence...
his zodiac is dragon - long
mine is horse - ma

his ex... none of them is zodiac - ma...

that was the day...
i know...
we are destiny and fated to be together...

many would say...
zodiac...
is very common...
and yes...
but i believe..
if we were not the one...
out of his 4ex... 1 of them could be zodiac horse...
or maybe his future 1 bahx?
but so far none..
thats why we are special...
that why after so many things...
we thought we will be seperate...
but still together....

yue lao....
can i ask you something....
if we are really destinied to be together....
dont give us any more "kao yan" can?
I very tired le....
my heart already broken le......
if we are fated....
can you kindly just let us be together?

because... without him is as good as torturing me...
i am a nut shell......

i feel v. xin ku....
zhen de zhen de zhen de............
hen xin ku.........
:'(
wo xu yao ta......
wo ai ta........

ke shi........
ta zhi dao ma? :'(

its been going 2 days since we last contacted...
I am scared...
to face everything alone...
yet i have to do it...
he is no longer with me.. anymore? i suppose?
I need him...
His support...

I read something and it says...
"let him see the world and believe that after he see the world he will come back to your arms"

my sentence would be...
"he saw the world and decided not to come back anymore"

everyone tell me...
if he love you...
one day he will come back for you...

i used to at least maybe believe that...
he just need to sort thing out..
eventually he will come back and explain to me...
he just need sometimes alone...

but after tuesday....
those words he said to me....
those tones....
i have no confident at all.....
its seems that this r/s had already mark a fullstop...

i remember before i agree to be LMD's gf...
he said...
I will treasure you and cherish you like one ever did...
I will not be like them and neglect your feelings...
I will let you be the happiest woman in the world...
I will never let you tear...
I will never cheat on you....
I will never ever............
let you go.............

these sentences....
keep appearing in my mind..........
but that was just..........
that was just..........
what he said.........

he did it.....
but the opposite...........
the opposite...........

for him treating me like this....
I only got 2 idea on why...

1) He just need sometimes alone now.... trust that he do love me....
2) He just dont want to be with me... he don't love me anymore.......

Is cruel to face the fact....
Reality is always cruel.....

Face the fact that he leave me....
he force me to leave...
he want me to leave......

imagine........
the one you love most tell you...
I dont want to see you...
Never want to see you again....
Even after a decade i also dont want to see you.....

imagine.......
you forgive him........
you forgive whatever he had done that hurt you......
he beg you to stay....
you stay....
and now...
he ask you to leave......

i don't know...
i really don't know...
which to believe in....
the angel htb....
or the devil don?

i am heartbroken...
heart dead....
i am being stabbed...
all over my overheart, body and soul.....


does he know?
does he care?

he said before...
every single night he is crying when i am not with him.....
even when he say break....

what about now?

also the same?

Am i being miss?

every single second?

I wonder......

I love you is true?

or

I dont want be with you is true?

to love someone....
is to let go?
LOLX...
that is totally bullshit....
I never let you go...
never will...
because you will be in my heart...
forever... :)
But now...
my heart is dead...
truly dead...
whatever it is...
I will face myself...
Dun worry...
Like you say is my own business...
If i were to die...
then ok...
by all means...
is ok...
Doesnt matter anymore...
today i realise...
whatever you have said in the past...
every single thing...
is just dream...
and now i am awake...
your love...
to me...
doesnt and wont matter anymore...
for those silly things I have done for you.....
i wont regret...
because I put in effort and love...
alot alot...
but now.......
wont le...
i will never ever do all these stuff anymore......
you said those 2 years wasnt meaningless and stuff...
but ha.....
don...
from now i will only call you don...
the 2yrs if really the happiest days in your life...
you wont say all these to me...
whatever that I had heard from you today...
from your mouth...
i believe is from your heart...
I dont matter to you at all...
since that the case..
you dont want to treasure me...
dont want to cherish me..
ok...
fine..
someone else would..
our 070707 end....
story mark with a fullstop...
blogskin and stuff never change...
you dont misunderstand...
is not for you...
is for the piggy jie jie... my deardear...
the one I had love before with my heart,body,mind,spirit and soul....
you want do what i cannot do anything...
you want to destroy yourself...
then up to you....
i cant do anything...
i wont do anything...
i dont want to care anymore...
you want you take good care of yourself...
you dont want then i cant help...
if your parents doesnt care...
if you dont care...
or you get a gf tt doesnt care then up to u...
is ur fate...
ur life...
not mine...
i will only say once...
take good care of yourself..
work time becareful..
dun get hurt...
eat and slp in regular manner...
game can play...
but got limit...
the rest...
is up to..
now your EX- laopo...
leave le...
k?
I walk out of your world totally...
dont worry...
I wont go bother you anymore...
I wont text anyone...
I wont even care...
:)
what you want..
you said on phone..
i grant your wish...
i will never ever appear infront of you anymore..
i will not disappear..
bt i will vanish from your world totally...
whatever happen..
i will face myself..
i dont need you to be by my side...
dont tell me you will be by my side..
i am naive...
to actually believe...
believe eternity...
believe that there is you forever...
believe this lifetime and many more....
you will always stay by my side...
bu li bu qi...
to believe that you love me...
believe that i am the most important thing in your life..
your everything...
no...
:)
I AM NOT :)
but is ok...
it doesnt matter anymore...
for what you have done..
is enough le...
this relationship...
yes 2years 2months only...
but infact we got tgt for 2 and a half years...
This period... i learn alot...
i learn what is love...
how to love..
and receive love...
but what i learn most is...
i am too naive that there is tian chang di jiu...
i am too naive to believe every single thing you say...
even if they seem so impossible..
i learn...
i learn what the meaning of getting hurt...
i learn..
i learn what the meaning of pian ti ling shang...
i learn...
i learn what is stupidity...
I never regret to love you...
never regret for everything i have done...
but trust me......
if time go back...
i were to be able to choose again..
i wont give you a chance to show me what is love..
because in the end i left with hurt...
is ok...
everyone has to grow and learn...
at least i learn something...
at least i saw the true side of you...
at least...
thanks to you...
i will never ever believe in love anymore...
i wont...
is ok.....
i dont deny...
2years..
is the happiest thing in my life...
because i truly love you...
although two years i gone through so many things...
nearly end my life...
but the sweet memories will stay...
in my heart...
forever...
the hurtful stuff will never fade also...
never will... :)
we shouldnt have be together...
i shouldnt have give you chance...
because..
we are not suitable..
we are from 2 different world...
we got nothing in common...
i said before...
but so?
no use.. :)
what done can never be undone...
since...
that day i agree to be your girlfriend...
I have never ever think that i will regret...
even what happen now...
i still wont regret...
because i chose it...
i chose to be your girlfriend.
i chose you to be my boyfriend...
so there is no one i can blame..
except myself...
for believe in your eternity...
for belive in true love forever...
but now no le...
winnie tan hwee khim has grown up...
she is no longer a girl...
she is a woman le...
she wont do all these stuff...
she wont care anymore..
:) If i am going to leave this world...
I dont want you to shed a tear...
not a single one...
not because i dont want you sad...
because...
you are not fit...
you are not fit to cry...
Lim ma don..
i am telling you now...
"AI WO ZHI SHI NI KAI KOU DE WAN XIAO"

the next girl you were to take as your girlfriend...
you better be awake and dont hurt people...
you better be...
dont think people treat you good...
love you and etc...
is natural..
and took it forgranted...
it is not a must...
but nevertheless everything lies with you...
i am not your who..
and i am not going to care at all :)

ok...

I hereby announce...
I WINNIE TAN HWEE KHIM HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LIM MA DON...
WHATEVER HAPPEN TO ME IS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS..
WHATEVER HAPPEN TO HIM IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS...
WE ARE NO LONGER COUPLE....
WE HAD BREAKUP~ ^^

there is nothing to be sad about...
I should be happy...
at least i dont need to suffer anymore...
i dont need to face and believe and survive in lies anymore..

you dont worth my love...
you dont..
:)
but well i never regret loving you too..
eventhough yes you are not worth it...

that all ...
bye deardear.... my piggy jie jie...
i bidding goodbye to you...
the one i love most in my life...
more than myself...
you had gone and disappear..
now is my turn...
i miss you ..
i love you...
but it will only be kept in my heart...
PIGGY JIE JIE, deardear!!! LAOGONG LAOGONG LAOGONG LAOGONG LAOGONG LAOGONG LAOGONG WO AI NI!!!!
ZHEN DE ZHEN DE HEN AI HEN AI NI!!!
but now... i am leaving le..
BYEBYE!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY!!!
BUT I WONT AND NOT GOING TO KEEP THE PROMISE ANYMORE...
I WILL NEVER EVER STAY BY YOUR SIDE ANYMORE...
I AM NOT THE ONE..
NEITHER ARE YOU...
BYE.

I have decided......
To married him.....
I don't want him under stress....
I don't want him doubt....
I don't want myself to go crazy....
I need assurance....
He need it too....

haix... my heart is beating soooooooo fast... I wonder will him come find me? but i guess that is a miracle bahx.. i dont know... damm scare... dammm scared........ i coward till dun even dare to try to call his hp to see if it is still on... i don't know... very scare.... haix... duno...
but i wana tell my dear...

DEARDEAR HTB...

HAPPY 2YEARS 2MONTHS ANNIVERSARY!!!!
WO AI NI SHEN SHEN SHI SHI... YONG BU FEN LI!!!!!!!!!
AI NI!!! MUACKX...

2years2months...
same as last month...
this month he wasnt with me too..
he took leave...
I went to see him today morning just to check.. and yes.. he was playing games...
I wonder...
I really wonder...
why he became like this...
game game game... 6am + in the morning and he still playing games.. 7plus go slp? sleep until evening then wake up.... can you imagine? back to him... the don i know before we stead... everynight just game/anime/manga.... that is his life...
My heart sank... I saw him... den i went to the door... where the living room is... i said...
happy 2years2months anniversary...
then i left......
I dont know.. i really dont know...
what on earth is happening....
to him.....
today he took leave.. specially for me.. but he lied that itwas not confirm to give me surprise... but u know what? he took it for me... but again... we never use the leave together.. in fact alone...

all of them ask me to leave him alone...
give him some space to think...
what if i leave him alone...
and he never ever coming back to me anymore?
I took alot alot of courage to stay and not leave him last month...
this time round...
if he leave...
I will never ever be able to take it anymore....
he is my htb... no longer just a bf so simple.......

i really love him to the extent that i can die for him...
but what about him?
what is he thinking now? i really dont know... really.....

htb... can u tell me... am i ur ex? or future+ present?
we never break up... but ur mum say we are...
what exactly going on...?
can anyone tell me? i really dont know....................

TODAY...
i went... to look... for my HTB... :)
12pm....
saw him sleeping...
Waited till 7pm I went off...
7hr... to see if we were fated...
He woke up...
at 6pm roughly...
Saw his face.....
but...
I don't know... if he saw me..
But i suppose he did...

Before that I look through the window.. saw him sleeping..
HTB.. we are so far yet so near....

I left and use the bottle i drink...
go pluck flower and put them in...
Like what he did last time...
I put a plaster to form a 7 shape...
If he is my htb...
a little sensitive one...
He will understand...
7 =me....
flower in the bottle is our memories... i hang it first time... the delivery man who deliver food came.. and the mom open door... and throw my bottle away.. =.=
i suppose either she know is i put 1 and dont want let madon see... or she just thought it was thrash and throw it away... so i hang it again after the door close...

if my boy... and me... were fated somehow... he will be the one who see the bottle hanging there... so I dont know... leave to fate bahx... whether he saw it or not... i cannot say anything...

My Htb...I don't know what happen...
When my HTB... kiss me and send me home...
text me good night muacks...
But ended up... I left with total ignore when he was suppose to meet me the next day...
Is ok.. That he didnt make it...
Is ok... That I come to find him...
But it will never ever be ok..
When he swear and promise not to leave me alone again...
Not to treat me like this ever again...
He hug me tight and promise you know? He promise me you know?
But now leh?
He ask me to trust and believe him but now leh?

And yes... I am correct...
His parents have been giving him propaganda and pressure to ask him to break off with me...
This come out from his dad mouth...

My deardear... My HTB... he was always so strong... He wouldnt care what happen.. He will never give in... regarding me... But now?

I really dont know le... You say u love me...... you say you really do...
You say you need time... but you still love me...
Shall I trust you? Or should I say can I trust you?
They say if I mean to you... you will come find me.. will you?
Will you? I really wonder....

my heart is already shattered into pieces.......

my surprise? My christmas? My bday? My valentine? I wonder.... would you be there?
you say my surprise I will get it after you come back from austrialia... I will be damm happy... I wonder... now? will I still be receiving it then?

04/09/2009 Friday
10:26pm
Htb

Msg: Good night muacks.

04/09/2009 Friday
02: 36pm
Htb

Msg: My wtb lo. She is the pretty and sexy girl. ..........................................................(cannot reveal)

03/09/2009 Thurssay
06:59pm
Htb
Msg: Sorry. Love you.

02/09/2009
09:21pm
Htb
Msg: Good night. Sweet dreams. Muacks. Love you. Rest well ok. I love you :-*

01/09/2009
11:46pm
Htb
Msg: Promise. Muacks. Go rest then.

20/08/2009
10:49am
Htb
Msg: I wont betray you ever. But i will go crazy like that day when you force me.

19/08/2009
01:16am
Htb
Msg: And chase back la. But I will kill anyone who tries to get you because you are mine alone.

19/08/2009
12:33am
Htb
Msg: You say what you want. I bu chang you.

18/08/2009
11:40pm
Htb
Msg: Sexy. Considerate. Full of love for the one you love. Horny :p cute. when you are angry or sad you look really cute. You just attract me.

18/08/2009
12:27pm
Msg: U ans me.
do u love me? Of course.
are you sorry? Yes
will you change and never repeat your mistake again? Yes
will u regret if u loss me? Yes
i dont love u do u stil want to be with me? Yes
why? No why.
answer all in detail den i gave u my exact ans.

17/08/09
10:31pm
Htb
Msg: Of course i love you. And of course it is not meaningless at all. Its the happiest days of my life. Knowing you give me life.

All these sms and many more... I still keep them with me... Are they from the bottom of your heart or?

I love you, my htb... I really do....
what about you?
tomorrow is 2year 2months anniversary... you promise to celebrate together... then what is it now?

I am so damm stress about it.. really.... deardear cannot take it... neither can I...
He keep in contact with his family members just to get extra money...
I mean at first it is totally nothing wrong with going back to his house...
I always thought... But no... I finally realised that his family members are givign him alot of stress.. Forcing him in one way or another... Before anything happen.. I thought is always fine... but now.. strictly no.. not at all... I am sick and tired of it... I don't know who had force him... or with what... But ya... Seriously...though we are poor... We are in need of money... but anything cannot be compare to him... To me he is the most important one... I cannot afford to lose him... Leaving him alone at the stress area result to nothing but him giving stress to me...

You know just by him going back to his own house... Just by him contacting with his parents... I receive nothing but crap you know? Stress!!! I know his motive... He is trying hard... He have his reason to stay... Last week... I still can endure and thought everything should be quite fine... Is ok de... nothing de... but now!!! hell no ok!!!!

I don't know how I can deliver this message to him that...
HE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY! I SERIOUSLY DON'T NEED HIM TO GET MONEY FROM HIS PARENTS!!!!! REALLY DON'T NEED!!! AND THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this whole situation is getting out of control... I know he feel very difficult.. I know he cannot take it anymore... But I can't let him have his way.. I mean is totally not correct...

Being close with his parents just to get money is wrong already...
Because of money parents on upperhand keep forcing him nagging at him and etc is more wrong...
Because of that spoil our relationship is wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong la.. =.=

I mean I am nuts if I am going to let this continue you know? How could I? Cannot loh... these things are like sooo important to me............ Honestly.. Is my HTB that is important to me.... I mean... he will go crazy anytime... I don't want... I rather $2 share one plate of chicken rice... That all... Enough le... I mean really... ok? From now on... I only want him to be by my side 24/7.. though yes I am hurt badly... But who ask me love him so much... Most important thing now is to clear everything... And let him happy...

about me? Next time then say bahx...... that 1 is up to him what to do.........

I only hope... matter can solve today.... I don't want anymore stress le... I cannot take it..... I dun want to end up in IMH sia=.=

I love you, my HTB.... I really do......................

Though...

very very very unhappy.......

But well.. at least on tuesday night... something nice happen...

Dear and me went to pool fusion 3 to get table and wait for my friends...

Then he wanted to go toilet...

But wasn't willing for me to wait alone the pool area or outside the toilet area was too queit and ULU... so he ask me go inside girl toilet and wait for him... anything just shout...

So at night really damm ulu and quiet...

I went to the toilet...

After I done I open the door... but it cannot be unlock...

I told myself is ok wait awhile.. try again..

I TRIED 4TIMES AND CANNOT....

So I shouted DAMMMM LOUD FOR MY DEAR... Split second.....

He replied... Den He rush out... Den I found the way to unlock it... cause need to press 1 small pathetic button... LOL... dammm freaking scary....

:P He also thought what happen... Then we hug with each other then ok le... :) haha..

Well to me... it shows that he really care... and I am really important....

Remember few months ago I nearly died during his birthday party....

I swim and suddenly choke with water and leg cramp... Nearly drown.... But thanks to Lihao and Guangsheng.... I am save... but really I mean 2-3minute more... they never make it to bring me to a safe place... I am dead for sure.... Deardear dont know how to swim at all.. He went upfront to pull me too... Well, He cried... really cried... he was so scare that he hug me dammm tight... really tight..... As if that if he didn't do so I will disappear......... From then on he don't allow me to swim =.= lolx... Zzzz....

Well, its really like a puzzle... you won't know whether is a perfect puzzle or is it lack of a few pieces until everything finish... There are times I felt insecure... I am like nothing to him...

But there are also times it shows that I really mean something to him... Something that he cannot lose........... I hope......................... that this puzzle is a perfect one despite some scratches here and there...

Don't know should be angry or happy...

I use facebook deardear angry...

And do not allow...

Even threathen to break...

Which I really don't like...

And some of you might found it stupid...

But think it in another way....

He is still that possesive guy as ever......

I belong to him only mindset...

Though is selfish... But I like this selfishness...

As this is to me only...

Only me and no one else.... :)

But I would prefer if he can say his feeling by not hurting my feelings...

Need to be improve ok?

My naughty boy...

sorry...



well......



the very first time...



going one month le...



he say it to me......



from the bottom of his heart...



without me telling him anything.....



without me asking.....



he apologise.........



for hurting me...



I was touch...



yet hurt at the same time...



Looking back at those card he gave to me. It was sweet...



I remember the first card ... he did something wrong.....

and I initiate a breakup.. I was firm then...

He ask for a meetup...

so I gave him a chance...

He give me a card...

Written with sorry and etc.....

He said.... he promise to make me the most happiest woman in the world...

He will never ever do anything wrong anymore..........

But now???

All the promises seem so real.......

but none......... seriously none of them he had done it... I feel so tired.... really do.....

I am sooo hurt........

that....

yesterday...

I brokedown..

I cried.......

I don't know what to do now...

Things seems so different....

Do we still love each other?

Can things go back to be the same?

Someone just ask me...

Do I see myself in future to be blissful and happy women as Mrs Don Lim?

Honestly..............

I don't know........

What the meaning of Mrs Don Lim?

A person that Mr Don Lim treasure, love, dote and cherish?

Or is that just a title?