fear and insecure keep surface my mind...
I don't know...
But...
I hate this...
I hate to fear and hate to feel insecure...
Like what dear say because of my insecure leads to many quarrels that could have be avoided...
But is like what he says also...
"Once bitten twice shy"
I am scare...
Not that I think history will repeat this very moment...
Is just that I am wondering...
In the near future...
When we have both grown up...
Would he? In any chance do what he do in the past?
No matter under what circumstances would he ever do it again?
Yes, no doubt I had ask this many times...
But it is also because I get different answer always...
Sometimes he will say of course no!
Sometimes he will say I don't know this type of thing hard to say because it happen before...
Actually there isn't I won't...
There is only I don't want...
E.g. I won't love anyone other than you...
Well the fact is that you will and you can...
Is just that you don't want...
That day he told me...
If I were him I might have done the same thing...
To be honest...
No...
I won't...
I may say it because I am angry or disappointed...
But I will never do it...
I know...
We will married...
I know...
We will be together till eternity...
To be honest...
Same as him...
I know regardless of what...
He still love me deeply...
I know his heart won't change...
Because these 2years, the days that we had been together...
Is never a joking thing...
We been through alot...
Its nothing different from husband and wife...
Except that...
We don't have our own house...
We don't have a certificate of marriage...
Looking back...
If back then I had never chose him...
How will my life from 07-09 be like?
Well probably I would have change a few bf...
Looking and searching for my true love...
Still the happy little naive girl...
I am confident enough to say...
If I never chose him but others...
I would not fall that deeply...
And would have what you guys call as puppy love...
But him...
Don't know why...
A guy who is totally not my type...
A guy who have everything I don't like...
I don't like guys who play game everyday...
I don't like guys who lied..
I don't like guys who always sleep...
I don't like guys who are always late...
I don't like guys who are unhygenic...
I don't like guys who brag...
I don't like guys who play around...
I don't like guys who don't care about their family...
I don't like guys who are lazy...
I don't like guys who don't study or work...
AMAZINGLY...
This boy that I am having right now...
That I own from 07/07/07 till now...
SCORE 100% FULL MARK for what I don't like...
Zzzz
But him...
Make me slowly fall in love with him...
Deeply...
Till the extent I can't climb up...
Do foolish things to find him...
Forgive everything that he had done...
Meeting him...
Change my life...
I seems not to be myself...
Not the one that everyone known...
My bestie said so...
My family said so...
And him?
If we have not met...
Well he would have been gaming all day long...
Leading the life aimlessly...
Working once awhile to survive...
Is fate...
Or should I say...
Is destiny to say when, who and where you will meet and know someone...
The thing is that what happen two months ago change our life...
Is very difficult to forgive and forget...
Even if I want to...
Is really that difficult...
But well...
He have to compromise me with regard to this...
Is not I want...
And if it doesn't happen...
I won't be like this and never will...
Well...
I just hate what I am now...
Easy nervous...
Insecure...
Fear...

Going bangkok...
Again and soon...
But well...
Kinda cock up...
Jiejie there delay...
Deardear there rush...
Haix...