I don't know I really don't know... This relationship always happen like this...

Whenever one of us want to let go the other of us will pull...

If both of us want to let go then fate/destiny will come...

Yesterday..... I do not want to call dear or text him... I thought we needed some space...

I thoughtmaybe like what he said... is time to let go....... to end everything.......

No point holding on...

So... I decided.... to set alarm clock and went to bed after my tution..

I was damm shag......... Dam tired....

Dear on 07/08/09 12am sharp give me a surprise by recording a meassage and set it as my alarm.... without me knowing at all....... So even after quarrel and etc... I never touch that alarm section that he set.. as is a memories... that is very sweet... So i never touch... but dunno why.. the 4th alarm clock went there.... and it never appear at all... I was panic... sad.. despair... totally lost and broke down...

I try to reset it back to the same but can't I wonder how he did it.. As recording cannot be use for alarm tone... I have really no idea....

So... I thought to myself... should I msg him and tell him? Should I? Or is it God who is telling me... Girl is time to forget and let go...

So i decided to let go.. just call the usuall number of his... listen to the off phone tone and say bye in my heart..... As I know his hp could never be on.......

and you know what? HIS HP IS ON!!! 1 try ok... only 1 try and dear hp is on... I totally break down... I told myself since this is the case... Then I have to tell him irregardless... So I send him a message and went to sleep...

I always say he is not there for me when I need him most... We always thought we should let go... But now.. No... I can't because... fate don't let me to...

I thought before I went to bed... maybe the on phone is just a conincidence... doesn't mean he on for me...... though he did say before.... He always on phone to check how I am... Anything happen or not..

So I sleep....... AND HE COME AGAIN =.= ....... he come into my dream again... I never think of him when sleep ok.. cause I too tired... I only hug his blanket to sleep.. That all... my usual routine... and He came....... But I told him.... is ok...... I let go.....
But then he don't let... He explain to me and etc... and I felt him...... you know? Everything was so real...

You know... 2 years of steading.. I can dream of anybody but v.v.v.v. seldom... he will appear...... v.v.v.v. seldom.... the previous time when I ask him... he say ya.. he did dream of me too... another miracle? I don't know you guyz believe in meeting dream? But I believe if it is too real.... My boi.. is someone who don't dream at all... he always have a deep nice sleep....... But that day... he did.......

So ok.. I don't wanna care all these... as I have not met dear in person yet.... meet him then ask him did he come again or just my imagination?

TOday on my way to see doctor.. I text him... in the midnight time. I try to call once when I woke up for toilet... His hp was off... So I thought it can never be on.. since in the morning he must be busy or rather he know there is a high chance of me texting him... So he will not on the phone... so after texting him... I try to call once... And guess what? Yes he hp is on again....................

I really going cannot take it le lo.. keep like that... To him he say good arh... (whenever I tell him all these) but to me not very good ok.. when everyone tell me to give up.. even HIMSELF tell me to let go... and when I listen and wanted to... either he pull me back or up there... will show me something that girl.. you still have to hang on....

I don't know... I really don't know... my boi...

our couple jacket... I give boiboi 1... but dunno why... I give him... I remember damm clearly I put the XL into his bag.. give him his.... Den I am using my own 1.. which is L.... but don't know... fate hinting us again? I am using it for days. bUT i DON'T KNOW.... no wonder.. the smell so familiar.. I thought I miss him too much... then in the end.. is XL =.=... haix..... why all these thing keep happening?

I miss you boi...

I know what happen to me le..... but boi... it isn't a good news.....
What should I do? I am not strong enough.. I can't face any of this.. without you... I can't.... I really can't boi....

If one day I were to leave this world........ sooner than you and I have expected... What should I do? What will you do....

Boi.. will you leave or stay this time?

I really don't know... I can't hold it any longer.........

I need you boi.......

But am I selfish to keep you by my side?

Can I be selfish like you?

I want to......